When it comes to the dating game, there are a lot of variables that come into play. We're all looking to find the right person for us, and there's often a long path we have to go walk before we get to that point. Unfortunately, as we're all looking for our ideal partner, there are a lot of games that get played along the way. One of the most common, is breadcrumbing. We've all likely done it, and we've all likely had it done to us. Perhaps until somewhat recently, there wasn't really a specific term for this, but it's here now, and the word is, breadcrumbing. Is someone 'breadcrumbing' you? If you suspect that they are, then that's probably the case, and Hookupcloud.com is here to help you figure it out. Once you know what to look out for, you can head this situation off at the pass, and avoid having to waste any more time than necessary.

What exactly is breadcrumbing? If you've ever been strung along, then ghosted, then strung along, then ghosted...you've been breadcrumbed. 'Breadcrumbing' is the fine art of giving someone just enough of yourself to keep them on the hook. All the while, you've kept yourself at such a distance, that they know they can't call you theirs. When they get ready to leave, you drop them a few more breadcrumbs to keep them around. Be honest - you've done it, too. We do it because we're looking to keep a decent, potential partner on the line, even though they may not be our first choice. It's not always terrible, but it can get to be too much. The breadcrumbs come in the form of dates, calls, messages, compliments, and many other things. Whatever it takes to keep the hooks in, and keep you interested. Then, with no warning at all, they disappear. You've been ghosted - translation - they've found someone they like more than you, and that's who they're spending time with now. They can't commit though, so as soon as that fling is over, they'll stop dropping breadcrumbs for you again. Keep reading more, to gain a better understanding of this.

This is not a genius act of playing the field. This is an act of pure selfishness, due to an incredible lack of self esteem. What's interesting, is how easy it is to get caught up in the whole thing. It's that sporadic validation that feels so good when received, that the receiver longs for it more and more, when they're not getting it. Psychologically speaking, breadcrumbing is incredibly effective, and that's probably why it's a technique that has been used for a really long time, and will continue to be used for a really long time. Picture it; you're on your own, you're not really talking with anyone that you're interested in dating, and then all of a sudden you check your phone, and you have a message from someone who ghosted you a couple of months ago. Did they come to their senses? Did they change their mind? Did they realize what a mistake they made when they let you go? The answer is; no. On all counts. They're as bored as you are, and they can't go without having someone to talk to - so, they're dropping you a few breadcrumbs, to make up for their current lack of excitement.

Okay, yes, this is an absolutely terrible thing to do to someone, and it's absolutely terrible to have it done to you. Be honest with yourself though...you've probably done it, too. It's not something you put a whole lot of thought into when you're doing it, because the person you're dropping the breadcrumbs for isn't someone that you spend a lot of time thinking about. That being the case, when someone better comes along, someone who you're actually interested in, you're not even thinking about your breadcrumbing victim (or victims). The only time you'll be thinking about them again, is when you're back on your own, and you're bored. Everyone has had at least one person, during at least one point in time, that they've done this with. It never seems like a big deal to the person dropping the crumbs, because they're not the one who is at all invested. The person they're dropping breadcrumbs for is merely a distraction during times of boredom.

If you're really in a situation where you're completely hung up on a breadcrumber, then you need to take a good look at yourself, and try to determine why you're here. No, this is not the end of the world, however, you have to realize where you stand. You're not a priority to this person. You are not going to be a priority to this person. This behavior is absolutely going to continue as long as you allow it to - or until they find someone that they make a long-term commitment to - and even then, they may keep dropping you a few crumbs to keep you on standby in case things don't work out. These people are incredibly afraid of being alone, and if you're buying into this, you have to consider two things. One, is that you need to take it for what it is (we'll talk more about this later). Two, is that you need to walk away immediately if the obvious terms of this situation aren't appealing to you, because they're not going to change. So, if can read the breadcrumber, you're not invested, and you don't mind hooking up now and then when it's convenient for you both, then have at it. If you're looking for more though, it's not going to happen.

If you're looking for something long-term, you need to take a big step back and assess this situation from a different perspective. Sooner or later, this is going to be too much for you. Generally speaking, when you're being breadcrumbed, it's always too much because if you're taking the bait, that definitely means that you're interested, and if they're dropping it, they're definitely not. So, when it gets to be too much, you need to ask yourself some pretty important questions. There are a few things to consider, and it's all about perspective. Are you capable of withdrawing emotionally and enjoying the sporadic communication and hookups? Maybe you're in a place where you're not sure what you're looking for, and this can be a welcome distraction from time to time. Consider the actual situation. Be honest with yourself. If you can be cool with things as they are, and remove yourself emotionally, this could work for you now and then. When it gets to be too much though, and you know you're far more invested you can walk away. If you need more of an explanation from your breadcrumber though, you can ask them flat out, but...

Never expect a straight answer from someone who is breadcrumbing you. They are in the safest place possible, and they will absolutely play that to their advantage at every turn. They're not committed to you, you're not their partner, you've never been involved in anything serious, you're not going to be involved in anything serious. There are so many outs for this person, that unless they are a genuinely decent human being, there's no way you're going to get an honest response. When you think about it, is it really a good idea to expect a straight answer from someone who behaves like this? By all means, go ahead and ask. Whatever you do though, do not expect that you're going to get any kind of straight answer, because it's almost a certainty that you will not get one. Feel free to ask, but make sure you walk into the situation with an understanding that you're not likely to get a straight answer, and try to be okay with that. One way or another, you're going to make a decision, so make it an informed one.

This is a pretty important decision and you're going to have to make it a cut and dry one. Decide what's going to work for you. If you can accept that this is just a casual thing, and that's all it will ever be. You will hear from them sporadically, when their schedule allows for it, and it'll pretty much be happening on their terms. If you can find a way to be okay with all of this, then make that choice. Some people can do this, once they've decided to do so. As with many other aspects of dating and relationships, doing something is never the hardest part, it's deciding to do it that's difficult. If you can take yourself from one head space to another, and be completely okay with what comes after, then go for it. Have some fun. If they ring you up and you're not busy, enjoy the hookups. There's nothing at all wrong with this, if you are emotionally capable of dealing with it, and you're not harboring any underlying hopes for something more. If you can't do this, and you need to be honest with yourself if you can�t, then you need to cut the contact, and leave this situation behind. At the end of the day, do what is right for you, or you will continue to suffer needlessly.

You've made the choice, now be cool with it. No need to flip flop back and forth. Make your choice, and move on from it. If you're going to be cool with some occasional, casual action. That's great. Be cool with that, and move forward in that frame of mind. If you've decided that this is not your scene, that's great, too. Move on with your life, and don't look back. The point here, is not to spend too much time thinking about what you've moved on from because whichever way you've moved on from it, whether it was to change the terms, or leave it behind, you do need to move on from the previous dynamic. You can't be expecting anything more to happen here. Keep it simple, and move forward.

However the outcome of your decision ends up working out, be cool with that as well. When they meet someone else, or you do, be cool with leaving the breadcrumber behind. They were never going to be in your future anyhow, and friendships with these people do not generally tend to develop, so be cool with leaving them way back in your rear view, once one of you moves on with someone else. If you've already moved on, just be cool. Keep moving on and moving forward. At the end of the day, if you're emotionally attached, you're not leaving behind anything of actual substance, so don't waste time getting too worked up about it.

Whether you've decided to maintain a hookup connection or leave your breadcrumber in the dust, don't sweat anything. One way or another, life goes on and you'll never hear anyone say that they regret leaving a former breadcrumber behind. Wherever you end up at this point, you can be sure that it will be in a better place than the one you've just walked away from. Look forward to the future what's to come for you. As a final suggestion as well, you may want to think twice in the future, before you drop a few breadcrumbs, yourself. Once you understand how difficult it can be to receive the treatment, it's generally harder to dish it out. As it should be. Good luck with your new beginning, and remember to avoid those carbs in the future!

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