Every now and then, there are sex phrases that come up that you might not know what exactly it means. "Meat and potato" sex is definitely one of them. Now, it has nothing to do with food. (We don't know if potatoes should be in the bedroom anyway!) You also might actually know it by a different name: maintenance sex.

Well, nicknames are quit a common thing, of course. Oftentimes, different sexual positions will have different names, deepening on where you are or what your background is. Just like how in North America we say "sex" while in the UK they like to say "shag."

More specifically, "meat and potato" sex comes from the idea that it is very basic and filling, sort of like a meal of meat and potatoes. It is not necessarily very exciting or romantic, but it gets the job done and fills you up.

So now that you know where the phrase "meat and potato" comes from, let's talk about what it really means! Like we mentioned above, "meat and potato" sex can also be called maintenance sex. So what does THAT mean, exactly? Well, it means the sort of sex that you have to "maintain" or "keep up" your relationship. It may not be super passionate and it may not be exactly what you want, but you do it because you feel like you need to or in order to please your partner.

You may be thinking, "This 'meat and potatoes' sex doesn't sound all that great" but before you make any decisions, we want to share some points with you to break down some preconceptions and myths about this sort of sex. There are a lot of negative assumptions with this that can have a not so great impact on a relationship! Read on for some important things to note about maintenance sex or "meat and potato" sex.

The concept of "meat and potato" sex can apply to any relationship, whether it's heterosexual or gay or anything else. However, most often we assume that it is talking about a heterosexual relationship where the woman is the one giving in to or performing "meat and potato" sex to appease her male partner. Why is this? Well, often a heterosexual relationship dynamic is built on the idea that women owe something to their male partner and usually that ends up being sex. Because of this power dynamic, "meat and potato" sex is often seen as a negative part of the relationship or something that women HAVE to do in order to make their male partners happy.

Even though it mostly applies to women in heterosexual relationships, "meat and potato" sex can and should apply to any sort of relationship.

This is the thought and myth, yes! If you ask around, read magazines, or pay attention to pop-culture, the idea that men have crazy libidos that need constant pleasuring is a pretty standard thought. Not only is this not necessarily true, but buying into it can be bad for both the female and male counterpart of the relationship. If you are a woman and you assume your male partner needs to have sex all the time, casting him in that negative light can put a straight on your intimacy. And as a man, if you buy into this concept, you could likewise be putting strain on your female partner.

It also creates the idea that men are only having sex to appease this primal urge, that they aren't doing it for the intimacy or closeness or pleasure. And this definitely isn't true at all! Men can like sex for all the same reasons women do. While it can be true that, yes, their libidos might be higher, it also doesn't meant that they aren't getting something emotional or mental out of sex with their partner as well. Sometimes there is more to sex than, well, sex!

No! You should never, ever have sex if you don't want to. That creates bad and negative feelings all around and can have long-term negative effects on your relationship. It also crosses that fine line into what is consensual and what isn't.

There are many critics out there who firmly believe that they should never indulge their partner in "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex. These people believe that you should only have sex when both parties are fully, 100% in the mood. This is a fair thought, but there are some other things to consider as well. We will highlight them below:

Just like relationships, sex is about compromise.

Are there things you've done for your partner that you didn't necessarily want to do? Maybe it was a favour or offering to help with something. And while you definitely like helping your partner and want to be there for them, you also definitely didn't want to do this particular thing.

That line of thinking is one that you can apply to "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex. Just like how your relationship is full of compromise and doing things for the other person, you sex life can be the same. It's all about keeping your relationship and sex life healthy. You do things for each other because you care about each other and want to make the other person happy. Of course, this requires a lot of trust and communication with your love. You have to make sure that neither of you are taking advantage of the other person or asking for too much. Communication is key!

There are lots of different kinds of sex.

While we respect people who firmly believe that you should only have sex if you are super in the mood and horny, we also recognize that this can be an unrealistic way to establish your relationship. Think about it this way: how often will you and your partner's moods align perfectly? If you both agree to only have sex when you're both equally in the mood, that could lead to a lot of sexless nights. It could end up being just as stressful as engaging in "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex the wrong way—maybe even more stressful!

There are so many ways to have sex. There's slow passionate sex, there's fast, aggressive sex, there's make-up sex, there's angry sex, there's playful sex. Why not just put "meat and potato sex or maintenance sex in there along with all the other kinds of sex? Instead of thinking of it as an entirely negative experience, think of it as another kind of sex. That can relieve a lot of the pressure and turn it into something fun. Just make sure you communicate with your partner what kind of sex you're engaging in. It is always good to know whether you are on the receiving or giving end of "meat and potato" or maintenance sex so you can set your expectations accordingly.

It might not be the best sex ever, but that's okay.

We just mentioned that there are lots of different kinds of sex, so with that in mind it's also important to remember that "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex will likely not be the best or most passionate sex you've ever had. But you know what? That's totally okay! It would honestly be kind of exhausting to have crazy, intense sex all the time. You'd have to take a lot of naps, that's for sure. If you go into your "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex knowing what to expect, you'll feel way better. We promise! Sometimes it is okay for sex to be super low-key, chill, and just about sex.

It is still very important to never, ever have sex if you truly don't want to, but a lot of that is mindset. If you change your thinking about "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex you might start to think that it isn't so bad after all.

Sometimes you don't feel in the mood but once you get going all of the sudden you're super horny and into it. Now, this isn't a guarantee that your "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex will turn into hot and heavy sex once you get started. Again, it is important to keep your expectations realistic and low for this kind of sex. That being said, once you get started you might surprise yourself with how much fun you're having!

Yes, you might not be in the mood but your partner is! And sometimes it can feel good to do something for their pleasure. Of course it is never good to do something at the expense of your own comfort or feelings, so keep that in mind. You might not be in the mood for sex but maybe you're in the mood for making your partner feel good. That is where you can find a compromise and start to feel more okay with "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex.

Remember how we talked about compromise? This is another part you can compromise on! Maybe you aren't in the mood for sex but you would love a back rub or having a hot bath run for you. Let your parter know what they can do in return to help make you feel good. Again, in order to do these favors or participate in the give and take fairly, you have to be in a very trusting and open place with your partner. This isn't about counting favors or how many times you've had "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex. This is about a mutual care for the other person and wanting to help make the other feel good.

And there you have it. That's really all there is too "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex! As you can see, there are a lot of negative feelings attached to the concept of "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex. Just as many people think maintenance sex is bad as there are people who think it is good. Ultimately what it comes down to is what you are comfortable with and what your partner is comfortable with. It could be a good idea to talk to them about "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex to see what their view points are. That way you can set up some boundaries and realistic expectations when it comes to your sex life.

"Meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex isn't for everyone but we think with the right mindset, partner, and communication it can become a healthy staple in a relationship. Try to keep these things in mind when approaching it:

1. Never have sex if you truly don't want to.

2. Try thinking of "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex as another form of sex and not necessarily negative.

3. "Meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex will likely not be super intense or passionate and that's okay.

4. Communicate with your love to make sure you're both on the same page and are mutually meeting one another's needs.

5. It could end up being a bit of a turn on, but also it might not.

6. Never ever have sex if you truly don't want to.

We hope that clears up the mystery of "meat and potato" sex or maintenance sex! We also hope that our advice can help to clear away the negative stigma that surrounds it.

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