One of the hardest things to get out of at times, is the toxic AF relationship. There's so much drama and heartache. We keep getting sucked back in. For some reason, we can't seem to get enough. Why is that? Well, there are a lot of reasons. The excitement, the hope that one day, our toxic AF relationship could turn into something real, if only our partner would realize...blah, blah, blah. The truth is, if you're in a toxic AF relationship, you need to get out. Plain and simple. How do you get out of a toxic af relationship? It's not easy but Hookupcloud has got some great advice to help you think things through, and start taking the necessary steps towards getting away from something that's terrible for you, and making your way towards being happy again.
In order to leave a toxic relationship, you need to get away from the toxic person, and go to a safe place, whatever that might be for you. It's going to hurt, but you need to avoid contact with this toxic person going forward. Let it hurt so that you can get through it, and start thinking about what you want again. Your real friends will be there for you to lean on, and you will absolutely be okay. We'll talk about all of these points in more detail throughout this piece.
Basically, you need to get our of this toxic situation asap, and there there are effective steps you can take to do this, and heal. The trick is to make your exit, and once you're out - stay out! There is never a good reason to be in a toxic af relationship. The more time that goes by, the further you get sucked in, the harder it is to get out, and the more you are affected psychologically. No matter how much you might love someone, how much they may say they love you, and how much time and effort you've already put into this situation, you still can't stay. It's sad, it hurts, and it may even feel impossible. You're not alone though. So many of us have been here, and once you're on the other side of this - and you will be - you'll be able to look back and see that leaving wasn't really the hard part - deciding to leave was.
This is when you will need your family and your closest friends. It may also be when you need to find another kind of safe place, like a shelter, church or something similar. If this is the case, you will want to make sure that you've lined something up before you make your exit, so that you don't end up with nowhere to go. You don't need to add insult to injury. You're already going through enough. Once you've reached your safe place, it's time to let yourself breathe. You're going to have about a million things going through your head at this point, and that's totally okay. It's completely normal. Take the time you need, to be alone. Take the time you also need, to talk things over with your loved ones. This is NOT the time for your 'tough love' friend to come around. It's also not the time for your, 'enabler' friend to come around. You need people who care about you, and who are going to let you grieve the situation. Silently. This is not the time for advice, it's the time for understanding. You need to be in a safe place.
Do not, under any circumstances, accept any contact from your ex. All they need to know, is that you are leaving, and you are not coming back. You do not want the relationship. Period. Block all means of communication. Cell phone, social media, email - block it all! They will try to suck you back in, and they will play on your emotions, as they've likely been doing all along. You can't take the bait. Let the attempted contact go by unanswered. You don't owe them anything, and you need to do what's right for you right now. Period. It's okay to cut off all contact, and whatever you do, do not let them suck you back in. You've got the right people by your side right now, and they care about you. Lean on them during this hard time. Sooner or later, the messaging will die down, and eventually, it will stop. Until then, just breathe. This time isn't going to be easy, but you are definitely going to get through it, and you'll be okay. Which brings us to the next point.
Whether this relationship was toxic AF or not, it is still something that you've invested a lot of your time and energy into. You've gone through a lot to be in this relationship, and your feelings run deep. These are all completely normal things to think about right now, so let yourself go through the motions, and see things for what they really are. If you were manipulated emotionally, let yourself see the manipulation. If you were otherwise abused, cheated on, strung along...whatever the case may be, allow yourself to see things for what they really are, and let it hurt as much as it needs to. You can't get over anything that you're not going to be honest with yourself about, so give yourself a break. Put your judgments aside, and let yourself grieve the relationship, and also the pain that you're currently in. It's really important that you don't skip going through this process, because after dealing with a toxic AF situation, the very last thing you want to end up doing, is going through it again. Learn from this. It's going to make you a stronger person, if you let it.
If you've spent the past while in a toxic relationship, chances are that it's been a good while since you've thought a lot about what you want. It's time to change that. Things might still be fresh in your mind, and you're not likely to come up with all of the answers right away, but it's time to start thinking about things. It's time to start thinking about yourself again, and making your way back to where you need to be. If there's something you used to do before this toxic relationship took over, take a look at getting back into it again. It's time to start making room in your life for things that bring you peace and happiness. If you used to read a lot, grab yourself a new book. If you used to paint, draw, whatever...give it a try again. Slowly but surely, you'll start making your way back to who you are, and once you do, you'll start to feel strong again. Keep heading down that road, until you're happy in your own skin again. It's not going to be a short road, but it's the most important one you'll walk down, after making it through this toxic situation.
This doesn't mean set up an online dating profile, or even going out barhopping, or clubbing at this point. What it means, is that it's time to reach out to some of those people you may not have talked to in a while, during this toxic relationship. Chances are, the haze of the toxic AF relationship had you so blinded, that you didn't even realize at the time how far you were moving away from who you are, and the people you care about. Be prepared for the fact that not everyone you try reaching out to is going to want to rebuild a relationship. That's the price we sometimes pay when we abandon all for a relationship. Especially a toxic one. Friends who tried to warn you, and did their best to help you see the forest through the trees are likely pretty frustrated at this point, and understandably so. There are going to be a couple that might choose not to stick around, and that's okay. Sometimes, that's the price we pay when we make bad choices. However...
Those friends who truly love and care for you, who have been and always will be there for you - no matter what - they are still going to be there for you, and they are going to be happy to have their cherished friend back again! Cherish these people. They are the most welcome and loving of life rafts during this hard time, and it's important you realize how lucky you are to have these lovely people in your life. Work on catching up and rebuilding these beautiful relationships. Spend time with these friends again, enjoy a night out here and there. Put the energy you were once dedicating to your toxic af relationship into these relationships, and watch how quickly things start turning around for you. It's amazing how quickly surrounding ourselves with the right people can make us so happy and fulfilled. There are going things coming around the corner for you, and they do not need to include a toxic relationship. You can move forward, and do things differently.
It may not feel like it right now, but everything is going to work its way out, and you're going to be okay. You've come this far, so just keep on pushing forward. Most people go through relationships like this, and have to find out the hard way. That is completely okay. The one good thing that comes from having to learn lessons like this the hard way, is that you're not likely to make the same mistake again - especially if you allow yourself to go through all of the motions, and take the time necessary to get over it. This really will make you stronger, and when you get back out in the dating world, you'll have a pretty comprehensive list of things that aren't going to fly with you. Hold onto that list, and make sure you don't settle for anything on it. It's okay to make compromises for someone else, but don't end up back in a place where you're compromising yourself again. It's okay if it takes time to find the right person. It's not supposed to be easy - if it was, we'd all be with our ideal partner on the first try.
Now that you are well on the mend, you might be feeling like it's okay for you to allow a small measure of contact with the toxic AF ex. Don't do it! You'll know when you're ready, and that day will be when you can see a message from them, and truly not care. When that day comes, you won't be looking for advice on how to get over them, because it will already be a done deal. Do not let the ex back in - under any circumstances. They will only try to run the same game on you.
You're well on your way to being in the place you need to be in, to be happy again. So, keep moving forward. It's not easy going through toxic relationships, it's even more difficult to let go of them - and if that weren't enough - even MORE difficult to move past them altogether. You've done it though. There is likely some work left for you to do, and that's totally alright. Give yourself all of the time you need to get to the place you need to be, to be happy again. The more time you put into doing what's best for yourself, the better the chance is that your next relationship will be loving AF, rather than toxic AF. Put the time into you, and we hope the road ahead brings you happiness.
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