Infidelity is not easy for anyone. When it does happen in a relationship, how to move forward will depend on the parties involved or whether or not, the person having the affair is willing to give it up and pursue mending the relationship. The person who was on the receiving end of the cheating must also be ready to forgive and save the relationship. When both parties are willing to make it work despite the infidelity, then professional counselor may be necessary. Read on to find more details now!
Handling an affair can be quite difficult for all parties involved, especially if one partner has unwittingly lied the whole time and everyone else knew all along, except the other partner. It is even worse, if the other person in the affair is someone you both know. Infidelity in a relationship is never an easy thing to grasp, let alone handle in a mature and civil manner. But, there is help in handling infidelity in a relationship. It is not the end of the world. First, you have to figure out the reasons for the affair and then you have to respond to them. You will then have to take the necessary steps toward recovery and healing. Each person in the relationship will have to deal with their own emotions alone and together with therapy. Let's first look at reasons why people cheat in a relationship.
There are different reasons why people cheat in a relationship. Sometimes, the reasons may seem simple, but turns out to be the deciding factor in having an affair. Now, what could be some of those reasons, you may wonder? At times, one partner may cheat on the next just by making a bad judgment. Or, it could be self-gratification, seeking attention or not being satisfied with the relationship. On the other hand, there are some people that do so for emotional reasons or it could be on impulse after downing a few glasses of wine. Whatever, the reason, the person committing the offense is still hurting their existing relationship, even if the other person does not know about it.
Despite the reasons, everyone has a different response to infidelity. Depending on the situation, you will respond differently than someone else. Now, let us look into some of the possible responses. In most cases, infidelity will always leave you questioning what you did wrong in the relationship. You will feel betrayed and violated. It will rock your world. It challenges your sense of self and diminishes the trust that you once had. You may wonder if you ever knew your partner in the first place. Infidelity can cripple your relationship and for most people it feels like you are grieving for someone. Everyone handles it in different ways. Some may choose to pick up the pieces and move forward. Others will become depressed, upset, angry, sad, have self-pity and cry a lot. However, if you have the appropriate knowledge of how to deal with this, your emotions will definitely change, but it will take time. It is OK to feel the emotions of the initial shock of being cheated on.
So now that you have gone through that initial shock of infidelity, now what? Remember, your primary goal is to recover from this and so, you should consider the recovery steps that you both need to take. That means, you have to do an examination of your relationship as well as a self-examination. However, this can only happen, if you are both interested in taking the time needed to repair your relationship. If not, then you might as well give up on the relationship. If you want to save your relationship, then you have to be practical and not have too high of an expectation. You also have to be in it for the long haul because the repair process could be arduous, painful and may require a lot of compromise. It could be a slippery slope, so be prepared for anything. The results are also going to depend on the work that you are willing to put into it. Yes, you are hurt right now, but the worst is out in the open. If you are ready to move on, let us talk about how you can survive infidelity and not dwell too much on what happened to you. It is easy to feel sorry for yourself and that is fine too, but don't get stuck in that hole or it will be hard to get out.
>h2>Healing From Infidelity
Now comes the healing part. In order to move on, you have to heal from the pain and the time frame is different for everyone. To
The process may not the same for the disloyal partner. This is the person that had the affair and if there is remorse, the disloyal partner will have various kinds of emotions, which also has to be dealt with. If you are the disloyal partner, be sure to put an end to the affair - once and for all. This is going to mean that you have to stop seeing the other person right away. Do not text, email, call or meet in person. All contact should be severed. Once this is done, the need for secrecy will no longer be a burden. If the lover happened to be a co-worker, it is going to be inevitable that you see each other, but just try to be cordial and businesslike. Do not engage in any private meetings or closed-door encounters. If there is any chance encounter with your past lover, be sure to let your partner know about it and tell all the details of your conversation, if your past lover happens to contact you.
The disloyal partner must cooperate by providing all information about the affair. This is very important to the healing process. If your partner asks questions, be sure to answer them all, honestly and without leaving out important details. When you are forthright with your partner, it will only do good to both of you. Remember, you are trying to rebuild the trust that you once had. Emotionally, this will only put you back on the right track and help you to reconcile with your partner. Unless your partner does not want to talk about the affair, many experts believe that it is best to get it out of the way once and for all so that nothing new comes up later. If you choose not to discuss it, the pain will not go away as a result of that. It is better to deal with the pain from the beginning. In so doing, you will get further on the way to recovery. To make it easier on you and your partner, you could solicit the help of a relationship therapist or counselor as the mediator for your question and answer sessions. Telling the truth willingly will only serve to be a positive toward reconciliation. That means you are no longer holding a secret. When you leave out details, your partner may have a renewed sense of betrayal and that is not good in moving forward.
Empathy, sincerity, renewed commitment, apology and regret are five things to expect, if you are the partner who has been betrayed. This is the real sign of whether your relationship can survive the affair or not. Have an ongoing conversation and be a good listener. Take time to allow the pain to take its course and work on your emotions. Allow yourself to feel and deal with the anger that will come. You will also have the propensity to blame each other, but that may be ill advised before you see a relationship therapist. The affair could be as a result of multiple situations that occurred over time and it may need professional help to be resolved. You could be a small part of the problem without even realizing it. You should both take responsibility for the part you played in this. In addition, applying blame will not help to heal the relationship.
When you are the betrayed partner, expect to feel vulnerable and worried that this may happen again. You will find yourself crying a lot. You may feel like screaming and being angry at your partner for hurting you like this. Although, it will hurt, you should not hesitate to learn all you can about the affair, how it happened and why it happened. This is the only way that you will be able to repair your relationship and learn whether your actions were a contributing factor. Get all the facts such as how often your partner and past lover met and when were the lines crossed from being friends to becoming lovers. You also should ask about specifics such as how much money was spent and where did the affair encounters took place. Ask your partner if anyone else knew about the affair besides you. In most cases, the betrayed partner is the last one to know. Once you get all those questions answered, it may or may not prove that your partner was pushed into an affair due to a hidden weakness in the relationship by you, your partner or both of you.
Anger management is also essential in every case. It keeps the situation less volatile and more prone to success. Be sure to balance your anger or it could get out of control. In addition, unintended anger may cause a disloyal partner not to share more honest and intimate details with you. Try to be as compassionate as possible. Put yourself in the other person's shoe. Do not be on the attack all the time. Yes, you may want to lash out and scream at your partner, but you don't want to have your emotions get out of control all the time. If so, then your disloyal partner will be afraid to tell you everything that occurred. If you are in a discussion about the affair and one of you gets upset, immediately stop the conversation and resume it later. Set apart a specific period of time to have your discussion. Do not talk for more than half an hour or you may feel emotionally drained and angry all over again. Be open to the fact that the disloyal partner could also become frazzled and annoyed at you during the discussion, but do not let that throw you off. Maintain focus and remain respectful.
Having a deep conversation is another step that should be taken earlier on in the process. Some people may want to take it slow while others want to speed it up. Whichever style you choose, make sure that it is OK for both parties involved. If you are the betrayed partner, instead of dwelling on the details of the affair all the time, switch the conversation to how the affair impacted you and your relationship. Talk about your disappointments, doubts, anger, abandonment, feelings of betrayal and sadness. As you continue to speak about your feelings, you are building a wall to keep outsiders out and opening that window of intimacy once again between you and your partner. Be truthful about your feelings and never hold back your love for your partner. It is going to be harder to find forgiveness, but that will come in time. Just try to reconnect by spending time with each other and learning more about what will make your relationship work.
mark>Handling infidelity in a relationship will require a certain level of emotional support from the outside. This could be from family and friends, but make sure to start out with professional help from a support group and relationship therapist. This is one of the healthiest ways to deal with infidelity. A therapist will help you both to get through the pain. The therapist will provide the compassion and empathy that you are going to need during the healing process. Be careful how much details you provide to family and friends. While they may be supportive and compassionate, many of them may also badmouth your partner and be negative towards your decision to stay in the relationship.
Some partners will choose revenge as their first line of defense against infidelity, but this is only going to make matters worse than they are. Do not think about getting even. Revenge is not the answer. It will cause you to exert negative energy and won't solve the situation, but only make it worse. Do not confront the former lover. All your conversations and discussions should be with your partner only. You do not want to embarrass yourself. Do not get even by going out and having an affair. this is not the way to rebuild your relationship. Do not threaten your partner either.
If you want to save the relationship, take a positive approach. One thing that has helped many betrayed partners is focusing on themselves. Take up a new activity by yourself or with your partner. For example, if you feel that your weight was an issue in the relationship, take up exercising at least three days a week. This will not only make you feel fit and healthy, but improve your self-esteem and give you back your 'sexy.' Your partner will then see you in a new light and the past lover won't be as appealing anymore. Work on your attitude and outlook, especially if that has been an issue in the past. A relationship counselor will help you to get on that positive journey of self discovery. Therefore, if you have to see a counselor on your own (without your partner being present), by all means do that too. Doing so will improve the quality of your relationship. Be mindful that you may have ups and downs during the road to recovery. Deal with each as they come and embrace professional help, if you need to.
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Infidelity is not easy to handle. There are some things, however, that you can do to be more accepting of your dilemma and try to save your relationship.
